The Fitting Room Chronicles: Hello, Le Sailor

Reader, on a disgusting July afternoon in New York City where I felt warm, salty sweat drip down in places that should never go, I decided to do something daring.

I chose to wear horizontal stripes.

Sound the alarm.
Sound the alarm.

Perhaps it was the desperation of wanting to get out of my DNA-soaked gown and try on a thin, breathable cotton dress, but I took a chance. A big one.

Like many women, I grew up being taught that horizontal stripes were only designed for willowy French girls. I mean, they probably only break a sweat while carrying baguettes, so of course they always look so chic.

OK, why am I hungry now?
OK, why am I hungry now?

Brigitte Bardot could rock them.

Brigitte Bardot
Brigitte Bardot

Jean Seberg could rock them.

Jean Seberg
Jean Seberg

A curvy Dominican with big bosoms and wider hips should not…unless she wants to look straight up fat.

Blame the baguettes. Actually, I just wanted another excuse to stare at carbs.
Blame the baguettes. Actually, I just wanted another excuse to stare at carbs.

But on this day, I didn’t give two zip-a-dee-doo-dahs. I am rocking horizontal stripes and have zero regrets.

Draw me like one of your French girls.
Draw me like one of your French girls.

In my latest thrifting adventure, I found a size small(!) Greylin navy cotton dress with petite stripes and I adore them. It features some sort of wrap around tie-up that I wasn’t feeling, so I let it go free against my hips. Not only did I feel cool and refreshed, but I was relieve to know that I could indeed wear horizontal stripes and my name didn’t have to be Gigi. Well, Stephanie is actually French so yeah…stripes for the win.

Greylin, I love you.
Greylin, I love you.

In short? Wear whatever you want and try everything/anything. A magazine may tell you hell to the no. Your grandma may insist you’ll never get married and instead, be doomed to live alone with 15 strays named Pablo. But sometimes, when something is meant to be, it will work. Plus, how can one really know if a “trend” doesn’t work if, I don’t know, you don’t try it on?

Will I wear horizontal stripes every day? Probably not. But there is hope for a sweaty mess like me. Now, let’s celebrate with this little jingle:

The Fitting Room Chronicles: Becoming So Hot (and Not)

When it comes to clothes, I know what works for me: chic black ensembles, bold blues, and flower power.

But I also like to shake things up.

At one of my usual thrifting adventures in the West Village, I spotted this vintage dress with a label stating that it comes from India. It’s a sheer grey gown highlighting a low-cut v-neck, as well as loads of sparkles.

Shine bright like a diamond. Kinda.
Shine bright like a diamond. Kinda.

Some people like to reserve their jewels for a special night out. Personally, I believe every day is an occasion to dress up. Life is a grand ball and you’re the star. So why have your jewels collect dust at home? Would a grand dame do that? Exactly.

Rocking three dollar pearls from a church flea market. Tres chic!
Rocking three dollar pearls from a church flea market. Tres chic!

You’re speaking to someone who used to wear shoulder sweeping rhinestone earrings that look as if they came from Blanche Deveraux’s bosom. In high school.

Thank you for being a friend.
Thank you for being a friend.

While I love how I can easily rock this look for either running errands on Saturday mornings or enjoying cocktails past 5PM in the Meatpacking, its look is pretty deceiving. On a sizzling 85 degree day, this outfit overheated, causing me to melt five pounds worth of sweat. At least I’ll be more ready for bikini season.

Do you feel that heat?
Do you feel that heat?

Still, for $21, I took it. Hey, it will keep me warm during the cooler fall.

I’m also a not-so-secret fan of green garments. Except whenever I wear one, I feel like a walking M&M.

I may look tasty, but I feel stupid.
I may look tasty, but I feel stupid.

I really did like this jungle-inspired dress, but something about it made me go no. I don’t know if it was the fit, style, or even color, but it just didn’t feel right. So I let it go. It wasn’t true love because I have zero regrets.

No.
No.

When shopping, if you aren’t absolutely in love with what you find, don’t get it. The outfit may look like a great deal, but if it’s just taking up real estate space in your closet, you’re pretty much just making a retail donation. Save your precious greens for something you’ll really love and actually wear.

Still no.
Still no.

That’s all there was to this adventure. Wait, you’re complaining? Hello, I merely spent 21 bucks and am ready to rock something that will make me so hot…literally.

But I don’t care…I love it. Good luck getting this song out of your head.

So take that and go shopping, lovelies.