The Fitting Room Chronicles: Hello, Le Sailor

Reader, on a disgusting July afternoon in New York City where I felt warm, salty sweat drip down in places that should never go, I decided to do something daring.

I chose to wear horizontal stripes.

Sound the alarm.
Sound the alarm.

Perhaps it was the desperation of wanting to get out of my DNA-soaked gown and try on a thin, breathable cotton dress, but I took a chance. A big one.

Like many women, I grew up being taught that horizontal stripes were only designed for willowy French girls. I mean, they probably only break a sweat while carrying baguettes, so of course they always look so chic.

OK, why am I hungry now?
OK, why am I hungry now?

Brigitte Bardot could rock them.

Brigitte Bardot
Brigitte Bardot

Jean Seberg could rock them.

Jean Seberg
Jean Seberg

A curvy Dominican with big bosoms and wider hips should not…unless she wants to look straight up fat.

Blame the baguettes. Actually, I just wanted another excuse to stare at carbs.
Blame the baguettes. Actually, I just wanted another excuse to stare at carbs.

But on this day, I didn’t give two zip-a-dee-doo-dahs. I am rocking horizontal stripes and have zero regrets.

Draw me like one of your French girls.
Draw me like one of your French girls.

In my latest thrifting adventure, I found a size small(!) Greylin navy cotton dress with petite stripes and I adore them. It features some sort of wrap around tie-up that I wasn’t feeling, so I let it go free against my hips. Not only did I feel cool and refreshed, but I was relieve to know that I could indeed wear horizontal stripes and my name didn’t have to be Gigi. Well, Stephanie is actually French so yeah…stripes for the win.

Greylin, I love you.
Greylin, I love you.

In short? Wear whatever you want and try everything/anything. A magazine may tell you hell to the no. Your grandma may insist you’ll never get married and instead, be doomed to live alone with 15 strays named Pablo. But sometimes, when something is meant to be, it will work. Plus, how can one really know if a “trend” doesn’t work if, I don’t know, you don’t try it on?

Will I wear horizontal stripes every day? Probably not. But there is hope for a sweaty mess like me. Now, let’s celebrate with this little jingle:

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